Need to adapt with my new weakness

 On Monday night before sleep time,my tummy and waist area cramp made my anxiety attack again. I suspect due of the pain level I cannot control already until my body behind all felt strong sharp pain like felt my bodypart want to break. 

So I decide to go toilet wash my face like to make myself fresh again, but too bad suddenly felt like the toilet turn around again I have to control all in one.

 Everyone sleep of course I won’t disturb them, I just tell myself just walkout toilet close eyes as long I reach my room im glad already. 

As usual the pain still on off tried my best to distract myself until fall asleep. No idea what time fall asleep but I still wakeup morning 9.30 am onwards so that can get ready to work. 

The pain gone, but suddenly attack again while on way to work the more I walk the sharp pain will attack me. How  I wish it will keep attack on me the feeling I hate it my mental felt tired, breathing also tired already. I just keep focus want to reach work and do my responsibilities at least 4 hrs to 5hrs. 

Yes I did it but again some area part I still need to go toilet and cry massage the pain area even I know it will be still there I just want to distract the pain and start my job again until finish. 

Well not easy when the pain keep attack while I still need to scan doc 50 to 100 plus page manually or automatic I have to make myself one sided body posture again the feeling will made me felt sore after all the scanning done. 

Sometime I did felt want to give up and let my big bro support me because he have the only sister in family I do need his support sometime, but too bad he also in his own world so I had no choice to be my own hard world too. 

Well I have no idea when the day I will really give up myself and decide to do operation for the stoma bag, for now I have so many of reason why I still haven’t decide it. The most reason never do due of $ and the after operation journey. That’s all for today update, the most I happy even while in pain, this week I start to scan C21 closed file already.

The End..