Coincidentally

On 9 December something happened to me. I will try my best how it started. 

Early morning 6.30 am I received a news our friend bff passaway as usual im speechless and just said the religion words. I never think much about it but i think pity for my fren how he going to cope with it. So afternoon as usual I went to work like normal and did my work as pernormal only I felt irrate with my burping problem but i just hack care until time for me to go posting. 

While on way to posting my mum called ask me to find my late grandma lot cemetery but too bad that I tried my best still cannot find it maybe accidentally delete it without i realised so i like feel sad for awhile but after awhile im fine than back to office. 

As usual before start work I will drink water first than focus what next to do. My burping still on off than suddenly felt hungry so wanna ate my bread, the first bite swallowed it fine than second bite small one suddenly I felt chocked because my burping suddenly want to be attacked at the same time. 

These where unexpected thing to happened they called it anxiety and panicked attack. I suddenly shouted don’t want to die and just want to see my mum and dini. My eyes suddenly felt someone scrap on it and my body start cold and floating very damn weak. I even cannot focus my breathing at all what in my mind just scared only. There’s still the funny part i still ask my fren to cut my fingger nails too because it long already. Lucky they have nail clipper, they give me water too cool down but still cannot. Cut short ambulance came whatever they talked with me i cannot focus already because i felt no one will believed if i said going to die “Right” 

The cool feeling damn scared i just kept recite aka baca doa and zikir only nothing else i can focus already. Reached hospital also same doc asked what happened of course i cannot explain i just keep said scared and felt want to die. 

After I start to feel be alone again than the worst attacked came again until thinking called Hamzah i scared and cannot see them again i really dont know whom to call either hamzah or Anding, but nope how can i call anding he too far and I cannot make him more worried right. So end up I call hamzah and just told him what i felt that time the worst ever i guess. So at least now i know who can take care my family already if  I really gone. 

The truth what I right now currently felt i know it can be attacked anytime because the feeling still on my hand palm sometime my lips also and cheek also feel the cool again. I just try my best to distract it the best i can. 

For now I rest from work and  also just wanna be happy with my family because we won’t know when the 100 days start. 

That cold numb feeling aka sebah satu badan 👌 if u ask me should u feel it my answer will be no it really damn scary. Since Allah choose me already again I have to adapt with it too.

After how many day had passed sometimes at night I feel burning, poke, feel want to cry and cool. I won’t disturb anyone i just control myself until asleep. 

The End..