Hm.. I'm back again with inner pain and heart pain. Last few day having period and full detox, yes I'm happy because no more cramp and bloated pain. Well now the touching part my piles swollen and now in pain of course I standby my bullet insert pill to soft it. Now I very sad it was still hard and still cannot go inside properly, it goes well for awhile only. Everything I did really no mood like cannot focus, but my hand still did my job. The feeling of pain really irate on me while sit down, standing pain even walk also pain aiyoh.
I will just shortcut my story, when i reached work place boss called my name and discuss about my schedule need to change, because those file growing up already no one else can handle it. My partner fall sick and he might not coming already. So now i need to rearrange and adapt all the new timing back again. Yes for some people good work everyday money come in a little bit more. But for me no i need rest so the next day I go work fresh no cranky at all. Now I need extra money for transport plus even my grab and taxi fare sometime I still insist to go work unless when come PMS or bad bloated tummy that make myself cannot walk very damn pain all these I prefer unpaid and bed rest already. Another sad part my plan to do basic exercise also cannot already. All my plan go trash in bin already.
Another sad part about friends well since early this year I already start to lock myself and even my words to reply on anyone, I will just a small reply word or emoji only as usual my words that I reply always rude and hurts so now I guess the best silent only. Well I also don’t like to hurt anyone at the same time I also don’t want to hurt more on myself already wait I become more stress and feel pressure right. Why I said pressure, because the truth I'm someone cannot lost anyone in my life since young, I cannot be lonely felt like useless no friend or love one. So again I will always have the confused and complicated thinking. But as usual I just pretend positive by just follow the flow so that my heart never feel the pain so much already. For now I had enough stress already for my sickness condition and divorce problem. Well I'm gonna tell myself enough of hurt feeling just focus work and my daughter. Well I know I'm not good mum to her always nagging, now up to her want to listen or not so as usual I will always keep monitor her by far only and whats apps. I'm someone cannot talk eye to eye sure crying mode like right now just by type all these on my blog.
The End!
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